A healthy couple enjoys one another being together most of the time. The problem is not the persons themselves but a part of the relationship that is not working. The first step is to admit that which is not working well for the couple. If one is in a relationship where for the most part one is angry, sad, anguished, or distant; then there is exists a problem. The problem lies in the deepest part of the arguments: infidelity, distancing, boredom, or disillusion.
A couples’ problem is seldom related to a lack of love. The majority of the problem surfaces due to not knowing how to communicate what one feels and needs. More so, one’s role as a man or as a woman in the relationship may result in difficulty in being an affective parent, a provider and an organizer in maintaining healthy family function or in relating to his or her partner’s political family.
Sometimes one may believe that all is well when; in fact, it is not. Events that may trigger this are the birth of a child, economic instability, the end of an illness, moving to a new house, or graduating sons and daughters. Moreover, certain issues come up when something has changed in the couples’ respective families when they themselves were young: a divorce, a chronic illness, or a death in the family.
These are problems that one affronts and perhaps where one continuously deals with the at length of one’s lifetime of which bring to the relationship stress and strife unconsciously effecting the relationship. In some instances, the problem reaches its peak when one attacks and blames the other. This is when one accuses or punishes the other one when there is a need for clarity or that information is not provided, and one is unaware of the displayed actions that can hurt and destroy a couple.
When a couple has a problem, it is like an illness—The quicker one attends to the symptoms, the sooner the healing process begins.
We identify the couples’ resources in order for them to resolve constructively whatever problem arises. We are convinced that the best alternatives come from the couple itself. Everyone is capable in utilizing and applying resources to focus in harmonizing his or her relationship.
It is common that couples question why their abilities to sustain relationships with friends and colleagues are normal and durable, but with one’s partner it is not so. Our ability to relate to others can be promising. It is the dynamics of relating to each one in the couple that sometimes has us going around in vicious circles that makes one believe there is no way out.
Our role as therapists is to offer means for the couple to analyze their own vicious circles and to understand how they got there and what to do about them in order to produce solutions. The psychotherapist obtains and records information of how the couple relates and suggests a new format or way of behaving that helps the couple manage their relationship with simple exercises that can be completed at home.
A couple’s harmony is like learning a new dance step, if we learn the steps, then we can dance to a new melody.
In constructing a relationship, the simple joy of love permeates from both who desire it. When we break our vicious circles, we recuperate control in our relationship. Rather than feeling no advances because we are stuck, we begin to visualize new methods, desires for our lifestyles.
When the couple resolves its conflicts, it recuperates the enjoyment of sharing together as the couple once did when it started with more enrichment applying a new mode of learning in order to push and progress their loving experience to higher levels.
Here dialogue becomes more natural, and daily problems and issues resolve much more easily. Spontaneity, affection, laughter, and sexual activity returns. Here, the couple recovers their sharing of new experiences even doubts and have fun together redeveloping the trust to continue their life-project.
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